Lately, I've become acutely aware of society's unwillingness to accept a woman's agency. Perhaps my senses have been heightened due to the current state of my personal affairs, but it seems that whenever a woman decides to truly live for herself, she is suddenly the subject of scrutiny.

...and everyone has an opinion or a "helpful suggestion."

Are we so conditioned to believe, even if only at a subconscious level, that women are not capable of taking care of themselves? And yes ladies, I'm talking to some of you too. Internalized chauvinism is real.

I cannot count how many times since I've started this whole "Choosing Monica" business that someone has suggested I "tone it down" or reminded me to be aware of the consequences my words and actions may have. I am 30 years old, and growing up in a household where you were held accountable for your actions and words taught me at an early age what consequences were. I also attended Catholic schools from ages 3-18, so yeah, there's that too.

So, save it. After a while, it comes off as condescending. It suggests that I don't know what I'm doing, that there's a right (read: proper) way to choose myself.

And the cycle of women's oppression continues.

I'm honestly perplexed. Why do we figuratively clutch our pearls when a woman decides to go her own way? Are we so afraid that she'll fall and smack her pretty little head on the pavement? Or is it envy because she's decided to shake the securities of social tethers and craft her own life, choosing (there's that word again) not to live the one crafted for her? How dare she seek personal fulfillment unless it is within the frame that we've built for her!

Take Kim Kardashian, for example. Now I'm sure this is where many of you will decide to stop reading and write me off, but I ask that you stick around for a bit longer, because yes--Kim Kardashian is the perfect example.

When Kim's sex tape was leaked 10-11 years ago, you know the one that featured only her and her boyfriend, she was automatically labeled everything synonymous with "whore." Why? Because she didn't tuck her tail and hide in shame. After she went on her brief "apology tour" (she really had nothing to apologize for since she was actually the victim), she owned her sexuality and decided that if anyone would profit off it, it would be her. She has since built an empire. To me, Kim's decision, her choice, was badass.

But because our puritanical society hates women who aren't ashamed of their sexuality and who dare to embrace it, Kim, and anyone similar, continues to be considered less than ladylike. And, most importantly, undeserving of respect. I venture to guess that if Kim had been ashamed of what she "had done," and asked society for forgiveness, she wouldn't be the polarizing figure she is today.

She also likely wouldn't be the successful entrepreneur she is either. As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich once said, "Well-behaved women seldom make history."

Sexuality, while a very strong example, is sadly not the only way in which society tells women that we cannot be masters of our own fate. Take Tracee Ellis Ross' empowering speech (which is where I derived the inspiration for this piece) on owning our lives. In it, she discusses how, despite her many professional accomplishments, the fact that she is 45, single and childless makes others uncomfortable. They pity her because she doesn't fit in the box that was created for her. A box that she, admittedly, says she once tried to fit in. However, one day, she woke up and realized she deserved more.

She deserved the agency to define happiness on her own terms because her life--is hers. We as women are constantly reminded that somehow, our lives are not our own to live, rather they're our parents', spouse's, children's, church's, employer's, etc.

I recently changed the tagline of my blog to: "Controlling my own narrative." This was not done impulsively. It was, as Oprah puts it, an "aha" moment stemming from a conversation I had with my mother last week. During this conversation, she mentioned how a family member was analyzing particular posts on my Facebook page, thereby drawing her own conclusions about my life. As I detailed why I find this all too common practice annoying, I said, "I've always controlled my own narrative. I don't like when people try to control it for me."

Lightbulb!

I control my own narrative. This sentence, while incredibly simple, was profound. Like Tracee, I then felt I had permission to unapologetically own my life and go my own way.

So here I sit, just a small-town girl, who has not only given herself permission to truly live but is no longer asking you to stop drawing your conclusions. Because my life--is my own. I control my own narrative, and the ones you create for me are no longer relevant.

*turns up Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"*