The cultural icon that is “Sex and the City" celebrated the 20th anniversary of its premiere last week and the blogs were all over it. Like many other women, I raised my glass and toasted to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha for 20 years of fabulousness, friendship, fashion, and love.

Later that week, while perusing Buzzfeed, I saw a quiz honoring the anniversary. This quiz is meant to tell us, once and for all, which one of the girls we are. Admittedly, I've always been keen to Carrie's free-spiritedness and her ability to hide from herself, but, according to the quiz, I am most like Charlotte. Of the four girls, Charlotte is the one least praised.

And I couldn't help but wonder, "Why?"

Charlotte York, the quintessential WASP, "Park Avenue Pollyanna", "Daddy's little Episcopalian Princess", has always been, at least to me, the best of the four. Before going into detail, I want to acknowledge the time during which "Sex and the City" first aired. Second-wave feminism wasn’t yet dead, and anything traditional, traditionally feminine, “soft” or “pink” was frowned upon by most “woke" women...of any color (see Regine Hunter as the Black equivalent). Girly girls were not accepted. So Charlotte’s character often found herself on the wrong side of mockery. Although I couldn’t watch during its original airing (I was 11 in 1998), I did catch a few episodes before graduating high-school, and in the time since, I’ve realized that the show’s premise wasn’t actually a battle of feminism. “Sex and the City”, and other shows of its ilk, were meant to humanize your everyday woman. Each character had it all together, while still being somewhat of a mess. I would like to point out that these women were equally feminist and anti-feminist. There were other issues (racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism) that kept the show from being unproblematic, but that’s from a post-2008 analysis. And, as quiet as it's kept, we're all a little problematic, no matter how hard we try. Just dig deep enough.

Anyway, back to Charlotte. Charlotte was cast as the anti-feminist. This was due to her open desire to be married and have children. Again, this was the late-90s. We were still in an era where you had to choose. You couldn't have it all, and what you should choose is a career. Charlotte always chose love. She was a hopeless romantic. Nothing about being so is inherently wrong, but again, it was viewed as Charlotte ascribing to patriarchy and participating in her own oppression. Miranda, the "textbook feminist" of the group once threatened Charlotte if she "went Pollyanna" on her. The issue with this thinking is the assertion that being vulnerable and open, as Charlotte was, and as one must be to find real love (as the other three came to find...well, maybe not Carrie), is weak. The opposite is actually true. Strength is found in the ability to be vulnerable.

I contend that Charlotte was actually the one, the only one, who knew who she was and what she wanted from the beginning. Charlotte was just not confident enough to be unapologetic with it, and that confidence would take 6 seasons to develop. Much to her friends' chagrin, when Charlotte decided to quit her job at the art gallery to dedicate herself to her passion of motherhood and homemaking, Charlotte stood strong and persisted. There were actually many times during the series and subsequent movies when Charlotte was the lone wolf amongst her friends. I'd even venture to say that, despite her flair for the traditional, she was the most progressive. Charlotte frequently called her co-stars out on their lack of decorum and political correctness. Charlotte was not perfect, but she did have a pulse on society and where it was headed--much more than her more liberal friends who, in truth, were cozy in their privilege. Charlotte was never afraid to learn and grow. She was open to new things, without compromising her integrity.

Still, Charlotte, like the other stars, was not without flaw. At the beginning of the series, Charlotte had a knack for finding the most available bachelors. Those who would be "best suited" for what she was raised to believe was for her. You see, this is where she and I also relate. Charlotte, not unlike myself, spent most of her life living up to the expectations set for her. Considering that she would not turn 36 until season 5, Charlotte was right around my present age at the series opener. For those raised like we were, it oftentimes takes until our late 20's/early 30's to be able to start living up to our own expectations if it ever happens. I'm not excusing Charlotte, or myself, for the behavior, just offering an explanation. However, through maturation, Charlotte comes to find that the guys who look good on paper are not always the best guys. She rose above her superficiality, realized what she really wanted (most importantly, what she didn’t), and in the end, found real love (and great sex) in Harry. It only took a divorce (*cough cough*) to get there. We romantics sometimes have to endure that. You know what though? We come out better and stronger on the other side.

Charlotte was a great friend, perhaps the most supportive of the four, and her loyalty should be praised. She was a true sister. Charlotte was able to navigate the art of holding her friends accountable while keeping them happy. At the end of the day, Charlotte always knew how to act in her friends’ best interest (see the episodes where she saved the financially irresponsible Carrie from homelessness and gave the reluctant Miranda a baby shower that she wouldn’t forget).

In my opinion, Charlotte was the definition of not judging a book by its cover. There were so many misconceptions about her. Charlotte was soft, but not a pushover. Charlotte was strong, fearless, and vulnerable. An avid self-help book nerd, Charlotte knew what she wanted, believed it would happen, and put herself out there so it would. And it did. I imagine that somewhere, Charlotte is creating vision boards and teaching Lily and Rose of their powers. Her lack of drama may make her the least entertaining*, but she is not the worst. We could all stand to be more like Charlotte.

Charlotte, my fellow “eternal optimist,” this drink is for you. I'll make sure I even wipe the rim of the glass before drinking.

*Personally, I disagree with this. Charlotte’s comedic timing and facial expressions were on point. She was probably the MOST entertaining.