Thank you, God. Thank you for using Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle as your vessels in my life.

The first time this song really hit me, I was driving to work through Swope Park.

I was depressed. But told no one.

I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.

I was contemplating suicide.

So I kept driving.

(I’m through with it, through with it, love)

(I’ve finally given it up)

(I’ve given so much in the past, for a love I never had)

And drove some more

(My esteem has gone down)

And continued driving

(I paralyzed my growth for you)

(Gave you control, felt so helpless without you)

Turned the corner…

(Cause with you I see, misery loves company)

Blasted and screamed

(So tired of crying)

(IVE GIVEN SO MUCH IN THE PAST FOR A LOVE I NEVER HAD)

Then I heard Michelle’s voice

(Destroy my many insecurities)

(I’m breaking down, somebody pray for me)

Then I saw the tree…and decided

Decided that if I drove just fast enough

Skidded a little, you know, to make it look like an accident.

I could end it.

Then I saw my mother

Her face

Knew I was driving her car

Knew she would never drive again if I did this

And simultaneously, heard DC sing

(I’ve found a new, found a new love, I’ve finally found it in God)

SLAMMED on the brakes

inches away from the tree

…and wailed, “I don’t have to cry no more, I don’t have to weep no more…”

(I’ve given so much in the past)

(for a love I’ve ALWAYS had)

Then the tears began to fall…

Took a deep breath.

Looked at the people who were having a picnic. The lives of people I would’ve ruined.

Their faces are burned in my memory.

I’m sorry.

I wiped my tears.

Continued on my journey

Put on a smile

and helped people buy shoes.

Weeks later, Justin (my unsuspecting brother) called and asked if I wanted Popeye’s. Looking at my emaciated frame in the mirror, I finally gave in.

But didn’t quite learn my lesson.

Almost 11 years later, I’m learning.

I’ve learned.

I will not make this mistake again.

Thank you, God.

For today’s reminder, brief revisiting

and ultimate cleansing.